Clarity

Showing up every day to write is difficult. Very difficult. But it is my job, right? I chose to be a writer, out of all the things I could've been. Well, to say I chose it wouldn't be entirely true. It is part of me. I can't survive without expressing myself on the page. If I don't write, I feel disconnected. It's how I process this big confusing world.

Even still, writing every day is hard. Some days I can only dribble out a few awful sentences. But some days I find that one sentence or phrase that resonates. One that longs to be something bigger. This week it was, "the ravens are calling." I have no idea what it means, but it stuck. I think it needs to be part of poem.

I've been working on showing up to write every day. I date my entries so I know what days I miss. It's not going great, but it's a process and I'm at least writing more than once a week. It's something.

Being out of school is fantastic because I have all this free time to do things that I love. I've been spending more time at the comic shop. I finally have been setting up our website and figuring out twitter so we can build our online presence. The downfall of all this free time is the inevitable self reflection that comes with it. Suddenly I have all this time to think.

 And I have time to get new glasses! 

(it's only been eight years...)

Remember all that talk of being kinder to myself? I'm trying, I really am. Every day I am dispelling the constant, "you aren't good enough, your life is a mess" thoughts that float through my head.

My life isn't a mess. I am loved. I have value. I can show up every day and write, even if it is a page on nonsense, because sometimes the ravens call and I find the little things that will grow into something bigger.