Blue Moon

I don't know if others feel this way, but some days it is really difficult to live in this world, this reality that we have created. I am a big picture kind of person, who looks at all sides of issues to understand them and unfortunately, not everyone does the same. And it is frustrating because I just want people to understand.

But isn't that the reason I became a writer?

This past week has really made me appreciate my education, for many reasons. As someone studying writing, I often am confronted with, "you don't need a degree to be a writer." While yes, this is true, anyone can start typing away and write a book--maybe even a highly acclaimed or bestselling one--I feel that studying your passion is never a waste of time.

I struggled with whether or not I should study writing, or something else and just write on the side as a hobby. I decided to follow my dream of writing, and after a year at SF State, I'm glad I did.
I am more comfortable in my writing and am improving everyday. The literature classes I've been taking for my minor are exposing me to new writers and genres. My understanding of the world and how literature shapes and reflects it grows with every story/novel/poem I read.

So even though I have days when I don't want to exist in this world, days where people's uneducated opinions are harmful to others, days when I feel like a lone voice of reason in a sea of voices louder than mine, even still, I don't ever want to stop learning. Because even though I feel too small to change the world, if I keep writing, I can at least shift it a little.

Tomorrow night is a blue moon, the last until 2018. I think there has been a change in me and while I don't necessarily believe in astrology, it would be foolish to discount the power of the moon. After all, it controls the ocean.

Distance

There is something lonely about the landscape of middle California. I took the train down to Los Angeles last week and it wasn't as peaceful as I remember it being. Maybe it had something to do with the hour long delay on the way down. Or maybe the charm of traveling by train has worn off. Next time I'll probably fly.

It had been so long since I ran away to LA. Last summer I was too poor to take my annual trip to clear my head, which is probably why I've been feeling so off lately. It didn't make any sense, I have so many good things going on in my life, yet there was a lingering cloud of unease. I couldn't put my finger on it.

Perspective. I needed to leave to gain perspective.

I needed to spend time with one of my favorite people in the world. I needed to walk everywhere and eat delicious food. I needed to get out of Santa Rosa and break my daily routine that has become stale.

Most importantly, I needed to be around my creative partner to fall back in love with my story. I've been working on Delirium for four years now, which makes it my longest running project. After struggling with it for a year, I realized it needed to be a graphic novel because the story couldn't just be told in one point of view. And what better person to have illustrate than your best friend?

Your insanely talented best friend.

But then because I am a crazy person, I kept trying to write it as a traditional story anyway. It took half a bottle of wine and spending a weekend with Blair to finally start writing it as it was meant to be. Granted, I regret writing while mildly intoxicated, but I am at least going in the right direction.

Luckily we are both struggling with the project, so we can commiserate together.