I really need to get back into writing though. It's getting bad. The only thing I managed to produce this week was a refrigerator poem with my zombie word magnets.
I'm not even going to tell you how long this took.
This was a strange and slow week. I had only one day of class due to the holiday. I slept about ten hours a night on average as if my body was recovering from some sort of trauma, yet things seem to be fairly mellow. I needed it though, I think. It allowed me to gather my thoughts and emotions.
It also allowed me to read Paper Towns by John Green in one sitting. I really just picked it up on a whim, but was quickly lost in the story. Before I knew it, I had parked my little tush on the couch, only getting up to refuel or pee. It's as if my desire to read had been trapped inside me and burst out all at once, causing me to fixate on this beautifully poignant novel.
Paper Towns is all about learning to see people as they really are rather than projecting our own images or ideas onto them. And there is this epiphany towards the end where the main character realizes this and it is so profound and moving.
We live in a world where perfection is expected; when really, we're all just people who make mistakes and fall down sometimes. No one is just an idea or a great adventure or some precious object. We're people and we change. We adapt. We do things that are expected and sometimes unexpected.
The thing is, I've been feeling a little...intangible lately. I don't really know how to describe it other than it feels like people are seeing versions of me that aren't real. They see what they want to see.
But I am flesh and blood and bone and claws. I am not an idea. And for the first time in my life, I just want to figure out what kind of person I am. I want to see what I'm capable of. The last thing I want to do is fit inside someone's idea of what I should be.
So, I guess I was drawn into Paper Towns because it was exactly what I needed to read.
Books are magical that way.
